Great pilot joke donated from my friend Steve
Words of a Pilot
During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was
seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began
crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the
infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly
offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
“Gosh, that’s a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!”
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in
the baby’s ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion
“And all these years, I’ve been chewing gum.”
My friend Steve gave me some great jokes for you guys.
Q: what are the main ingredients in Viagra
A: fix a flat and miracle grow
Q: what do you get when you mix viagra and rogaine
A: Don King
Q: what do a dildo and tofu have in common
A: they are both meat substitutes
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married….
If this does not make you laugh out loud you have lost your sense of humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the”girls”.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight,”I promise!”
Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way to easily.
Around 3:00 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door , the cuckoo clock in the hallway started and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I really was proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 totals = 12 cuckooes Midnight.)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him Midnight…He didn’t seem pissed off in the least.
Whew , I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked him Why, he said, Well last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “Oh shit”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat ,cuckooed another three times , giggled, cuckooed twice more and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.