Where a Man can be a Man and not told to Shut Up!

Posts tagged “united

Happy Mother’s Day


Podcast 4

http://themanpub.podbean.com/2012/05/13/happy-mothers-day-fly-safe/

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Elite Status WTF


Walking out of the crew lounge today there was a frequent flier leaving the lounge waiting directly in front of the elevator. As the doors opened there were about 10 people inside. I moved aside to let them exit. The bitch next to me refused to move. She stood right in front of the doors and made people walk around her. Listen up. Just because you think that you are all that doesn’t mean all others should bow down to you.  Get out of the way.  I think you should be able to just run these people over.  How funny would it be if one of the flight attendants on the elevator just walked right through her and laid her out and turned around and then said to her “here are your peanuts bitch.”  That would have been priceless!


The Fun of Holiday Travel


There are so many people at the airport!  The crowds are crazy.  The good thing for you as a passenger is that there are also bars.  As a Pilot I have to deal with all of the craziness sober but not you.  First thing first.  Check in at home and try not to bring bags to check.  This will get rid of one line.  Next head to security and wear nice underwear because you will have to strip down to it.  After you get dressed and get that HOT 300 pound man with the skin tight pants that just felt you up out of your mind head to the bar.  This will help to cope with the crowds out people that instantly turn into idiots when they get to the airport.  Do not ask flight crews where your gate is! We have no idea.  The door to you flight will close 10 min early.  I think gate agents get whipped if a plane is 30 sec late, so they will not open the door even if their life depends on it.  If the door to the gate is closed sorry.  Remember if you have a problem unless you are on Southwest the gate agent doesn’t give a shit.  She wants you to go back to the bar and miss you flight.  You are just another person that could delay the flight and she will get beat again with a leather whip or something.  Do not schedule a 30 min connection because you will miss it and flights are full and the gate agent hate you so you will never get to your destination.  At least if you do miss your flight there will probably be good people watching.

If you actually get on a fight this is a good start.  Now you have to deal with the flight attendants that could be your great Grandmother.  If you get on most airlines they don’t like you or themselves.  They hate life and especially their jobs.  You will have better luck on a regional airline of Southwest.  If on United, GET OFF!  you have no shot at a pleasant flight attendant.  On the plane I would suggest more booze so that you can sleep and don’t have to deal with the B.S. For for your own well being don’t order some crazy drink with 3 juices and 4 liquors.  You will get your throat slit and somehow the cops will be at the gate for you and not the paramedics.  Hope that all of this information helps.  Safe Travels!