Where a Man can be a Man and not told to Shut Up!

Posts tagged “wife

Choosing a Woman

I heard a story over Christmas about a guy that got his girlfriend a Tiffany’s necklace for her birthday.  This was only after a few months. For Christmas this wonderful person asked for a Michael Kors bag.  He said that it was not going to be possible because times are a bit tough.  Her response was then you can take me shopping and pay me back when you get the $$$$$.  WTF

First don’t buy anyone Tiffany’s as a first gift.  They will expect more and more.  Second, choose wisely.  This is a grown ass woman and her “Daddy” is still picking up her laundry and doing it every week.  Soiled brats will always be spoiled brats!

Let me help you decide if she is right for you.

1.  Pick an attractive woman with a nice booty.  If you are not attracted to them it will not matter how nice they are.

2. Meet her parents!  If you don’t like them you probably will not like her in the long run.  Yes, there are exceptions but its rare and you will have to hang out with the parents anyway.

3.  Meet her friends.  Peoples friends generally have a lot of similarities to themselves.

4. If she passes all of these test then you can start speaking to her.

This is the best order.  Although it will never happen this way, it is ideal.  She is going to put on a show for the first few months and these other people will not.  Basically what I am saying is if you like her do steps 2 and 3 asap.  If you hate her parents and/or friends get out early.

5. Check to make sure she does not watch Jersey Shore

6. Make sure you have things in common.  Yes, its important that she like sex, a lot of sex but it’s also important like they like things that take more than 5 minutes.  Camping, running, biking, tennis, etc.

7. Make sure she has a job!

8. Make sure she is smart but not too smart.  Talking to a wall gets old after a while.  Listening to an encyclopedia on tape gets old too.

9. Make sure they like staying in shape, but if she does you owe it to her to stay in shape too!!!  No fair telling her to stay in shape while you can’t see your toes.

10. If you’re not happy with the answers to the above find a new girlfriend and repeat.


Teaching Your Wife to Mountain Bike

Ok Lets try this post again.  I got finished on the iPhone app last night and was looking up a word and then it froze.

Yesterday of was another amazing day in Phoenix and my wife Erin said she wanted to go Mountain Biking.  Wow!  She has gone about 3 or 4 time since she got the bike 3 years ago.  We decided on Pima and Dynamite which according to Cosmic Ray Fat Tire Mountain bike guide it is a “puck 2”.  Not too scary but it is a fun trail.  Erin now disagrees. Erin also used the F bomb like I have never heard before.

She fell twice.  That not bad at all considering how sandy and loose it is.  After the second fall where she got hurt she got mad and although appeared not to have fun she became a much improved rider.

Patience is the key to teaching your wife anything.  I do not have patience.  I think that I did very good though.  I complimented her anytime she did something hard.  I tried to just explain what she was doing wrong when things didn’t go so well.  When you are good at something that does not mean you are a good teach.  Although I think we had a successful day I am still not a good teacher.

Erin’s Comments