Felix Baumgartner’s Top Freefalls
What an amazing person.
So I have a wonderful “Christian” neighbor that hates me, my brother, my wife, and my dogs. She doesn’t talk to us about anything her solutions to all problems are either call the cops or the HOA. Keep in mind the HOA has never found any problems with us. Also I feel like she could ask us one time to quiet down on the weekends before calling the cops. The cops should fine her for wasting their time. She has my phone number. The biggest problem for her is she never leaves the house. So I have decided what she needs for Christmas.
Rx- apply nipple clamps and a generous quantity of ky and ride 2-3 times a day for as long as needed until an intense feeling “orgasm” occurs. Yes, it needs to be this big. She needs to get that funk out that has built up over the years and is causing the anger. If still not happy after 7 days join Match.com and start fucking real people. If that doesn’t work you might be a lesbian. If still not happy your just a bitch.
Try shoving this in your ass!
Last night was a nice guys night. It started out with a Papa Murphy’s pizza that I transformed in to The Man Pub’s pizza. I added puff pastry to the top. BAM
We also started out with some Deschutes Obsidian Stout which is just an amazing beer. It is not a super thick stout but it has a full flavor of chocolate and espresso.
Next it was outside to enjoy a couple of cigars, Glemorangie Scotch, a local beer from Sleepy Dog Brewery in Tempe, AZ. Another great beer that Drew picked out.
I had a Gurkha Grand Reserve Cigar which was awesome. it is a light cigar that is infused in cognac. Drew wanted a more full body cigar, so he thought. He was at a cigar bar and they wouldn’t even let him buy a full body cigar because they said he wouldn’t like it. Of course now that’s all he wants. I got him a medium-full body cigar, a Cubita Spanish Market Selection Churchill. It was a bit much. I mean he thought it was ok but he really liked mine. I didn’t enjoy the Cubita it was just over the top.
My friend came over and told us a story that happen earlier that day. He went on a call to replace a toilet in a brand new house. He asked why and she said one of the workers make have used it. Where do these bitches come from? What if she is out in public and has to take a shit? Does she go on vacation, what then? Another good night!
This morning I was up early to enjoy the Phoenix Mountain on the RIP 9 with my friend Tommy. We had a great ride with great climbs and awesome downhills. It was a little cooler but the humidity was up to 57% which in the desert is pretty high.
Octomom is going to do a porn video. I am not sure what to think about this. I mean she is looking good in this picture I got from the “Huffington Post”
What are your thoughts on this. Are you going to watch it? I am if I can get it free just because I am curious but I wouldn’t buy it for sure.
Mother’s day is May 13th. Have you decided what to get your Mom? Well I just sent my Mom some Shari’s Berries. I have always wanted to send these to some one and got the idea while listen to Sunday School, Penn Jillett’s Podcast. Everyone sends flowers and that is great but it is good to change it up. Here are some other great ideas for Mom.
The Fitness Mom
Lulu Lemmon clothes or gift card
Lucy gift card
Merrell Barfoot Shoes
The Holistic Mom
Spa finder gift card
Whole Foods Gift Card
Fresh Produce delivery
Burt’s Bees Products
The Boojee Mom
Coach Purse or even better Louis Vuitton
Norstrum or Barney’s gift card
Jewelry from Tiffany’s or Better
Body Shop Gift Set
Since the Bangle’s cheerleader is banging one of her student I thought that I would share this epic Southpark episode with you.
This morning my friend Ryan let me borrow his Ducati monster. Bob and I went on a nice breakfast ride and had breakfast at Cave Creek Coffee Company aka C4. C4 has the best coffee and chorizo breakfast burritos in Phoenix. What an awesome feeling having an Italian machine back between my legs. I can’t wait till I can go back to GOAZ and buy a new motorcycle.
Around 3 o’clock Drew and I got on the Gnar Gnar shuttle at South Mountain and started off riding Geronimo. The 1st ride could have went better. I broke my rear brake lever right at the beginning.
Luck for me there was still enough left to ride. We then moved on to Holbert which is a chunky mess. I did have to walk a few sections but overall it went great. This was very encouraging. We decided to do Geronimo one more time and it went much better. We got to ride with Gene Hamilton from betterride.net. What a pleasure he was a great down to earth guy. No big crashes today. Tomorrow back out on the cross-country trails. I am loving this bike it does everything.
Our Super Bowl party was a successes. I was a bad blogger and forgot to take pictures. We had great food including: Lasagna, sushi, Enchiladas, and dips galore. Did I also mention great beer and other drinks. BTW I really like the new New Belgium beer DIG. It is like an amber and IPA mix.Very Good! I didn’t even get to see most of the second half. Can’t imagine why!
Ouch. My man Dan fell victim to National at South Mountain. We were so close to the end and his front tire lost air and then this. I swore he was going to have broken bones but I guess he has been drinking his milk! I am very excited my new bike is scheduled to be here on Thursday. I hope I don;t have to work on friday. My bro will be here too so we will defiantly be taking it out for a spin.
Today I was a good house husband. I reorganized the laundry closet and mounted the ironing board in there. Now we won’t have to go into my brothers new room to iron.
I even vacuumed the carpets and clean the fish tank and turtle tank.
Started out having a martini last night and after several assorted adult beverages I woke up this morning feeling like crap. It funny how that happens. I did however manage to get a Mountain Bike ride in before work with my man Dan. Boy was it worth it. I mean I felt like crap and my legs were screaming from my leg workout yesterday but there was some Jesus (hot woman) on the trail. I think we saw the worlds perfect ass today. I wish that I had a nice picture for you but my phone was in my Camelback.
Since I didn’t get a photo here is another wonderful booty.
Tonight on a flight to Salt Lake City I sat in the same row with Treat Williams. Unfortunately I did not know who he was although he looked familiar. What a down to earth nice guy. He is a pilot as well so you know how that goes, had to talk about flying.
I am so tiered so I am going to bed good night.
So 3 weeks ago I bought some nice new Goodyear tires from Walmart. Just like everything else at Walmart nothing but problems. One had a huge flat spot and they replaced it. Still not right. Getting a not so good vibration. They change 2 more that were defective and still vibrating. I go back and say I want 4 new ones that are a totally different brand. Much better but still not perfect. Maybe it something else like alignment but still much better.
On TMZ and on the radio I am hearing about an amazing woman Hazel Jones with 2 vaginas. Soooo Excited. Is she a side by side model or is she one in front of the other.
We may get to find out. She has been offered a porn offer. Please take it Hazel. We all must know! Now the problem here is 2 periods. Hopefully they are at the same time if not God help her man. I wonder if they are identical vaginas or fraternal. Hopefully the later because then you could have two different vags in one. Hopefully she will start a new breed of woman with 2 vaginas. Let me know your thoughts.